Lost, clueless, moving forward??

So even though I don't post often (not sure if anyone actually reads it), if you do read it you know my posts have always been to update you all about what is happening with myself, Mary, and Meagan. Well, not this post. Several reasons for that, one being that right now it seems that other things are more important now. Maybe not more important, but just different. For those who do read (because I know only family members know about my blog), you already know that we lost a loved family member to a terrible tragedy that has had a tremendous impact on our family as a whole. It has changed all of our lives forever.

Secondly, my sister Sue (who has her own blog) has inspired me with how powerful her posts are. She has a way with words and just putting it together that is just incredible. She has been able to share, inspire, and inform with her posts while still dealing with the tragedy that I know has greatly impacted her. She has had a lot of things to deal with in her life and always finds a way to help her get through it. She is always trying to look forward and looking for ways to improve herself and her family. Her willingness to share that insight with everyone and try to help others (including myself) help themselves just shows what a tremendously caring person she is. I wish I had that gift. Her last 2 posts have had such an impact on me that I have read them over and over again; they are helping me in my grieving process and for that I will be forever grateful. I wish I could do that kind of magic with words.

My sister Jill, the strongest person I know. While she is my "little" sister I have secretly always looked up to her and her approach to life. She is caring, funny, smart, and always just tells it how it is. She is a true "Irishman" as she can tell you to go to hell in a way that you look forward to the trip. In that way I always wished I could be more like her; just say what I always feel and not care what people think. My heart aches for her daily and what she must be going through, and that I cannot be by her side 24/7 to help is just so tough. But I know that is not my role and I am better with being okay with that. She is strong and while this is the hardest test of her life, I know she is going to make it through and be better than okay. Every day that she wakes up and gets out of bed, she inspires me. If she can do that after this terrible, terrible tragedy then I have no reason for not doing some of the things I used to make excuses not to do.

Myself, how am I handling all of this???? I really don't know. I get up, I go to work, I do my daily thing and then all of the sudden: BAMMMM!!! It hits me over the head like a sledgehammer and all my thoughts of I'm ok I'm dealing with this alright just go away because it brings me back to the reality of what has happened and also a state of disbelief. While I think I have gained some perspective and clarity on some things; there are also so many unanswered questions that make all of that go away at times. At times I feel clueless, lost, and just not sure that I am moving forward. I believe that we will all move forward and get to where we need to be, but it has to be together. God has really tested my faith, and I have to continue to believe in what I always have.

Those who really know me, know this is not like me to share this kind of stuff but to be quite honest; while I was unsure at first about this and just starting writing not sure if I'd actually share it; it has made me feel better and maybe it can help someone else (even though nobody will probably read it, just knowing it's out there makes me feel better).

Secret note to my sisters, I love you both and if anything good can come of this I hope that it will bring us closer as we all rely on each other to help us all deal with this and get through it together and make "our family" as strong as it can be.

Long over due update!!

Okay I know, for those few who actually may follow this I am so long overdue for a new post and update. Not many excuses besides just life in general getting in the way. I am not going to try and go back in time to my last post because, well I just probably forgot a lot of stuff anyways so here's what I can remember that is new.

Biggest news first, we have a new addition to our family!!! Not what you think, we finally had to retire Mary's 15 year old Cavalier and get a new car. I hoped we could hold off a few months, but the car was not cooperating so we had to bite the bullet once my car was payed off. Which by the way, now my car is Mary's car. She gets the "fun" Grand Prix and I get the new small, reliable, and good on gas car. :-) So far could not be happier, great decision and I really believe I did a good job of doing my  homework this time and being smart about it. My little girl and my new girl. Haha!

I love it because of the MPG and Meagan loves it because of the color. WIN, WIN!

Meagan update: Meagan is really doing well in her "advanced math" class. Always thought reading would be her best subject because she loved reading and was always good at it, but she has taken off in math. As of now she is getting an "A" (yes, that's right I used a letter grade, shame on me) in advanced math. Who knew, so proud. Also, her and her best friend Alexandria have entered a voluntary Science Fair, which they are working on right now. A lot more work then they thought, but really love the initiative they have shown. We are so lucky to have such a sweet, smart, kind, loving little girl. If she did not look like me (and act like me sometimes I'd be wondering).

Me and Mary, well besides our  new car we are actually getting ready for a weekend getaway next week. One of my good friends is getting married in Florida (I have the honor of standing up), so we are going there next Thursday (St. Petersburg/Clearwater area). Cannot wait, it will be good to just have some "us" time, plus it has been a while since we have seen them. So Excited!!!!!!!!

Hope you all are well and thanks for reading. Love to all : -)

Finally A New Update!!!

Well it has been a long time, too long I know. Every time I think of updating it's either not a good time or I just feel like chillin'. Sorry everyone, besides unfortunately our lives are not that interesting that I can post too often. Which I guess is part of the problem. Basic updates.

Meagan is done with school and now on "summer vacation". Not sure what she'll be doing this summer, contemplating signing her up for swimming. Besides that Mary is watching her friend Alexandria and her sister for most of the summer, so at least she'll have someone to play with. Although I'll have to try to find ways to keep Mary sane. Lots of Daddy and Meagan time after work. We do have a week off together; they are all going on vacation and I am taking that week off. Not sure what we will do, wish we could afford to go somewhere. I'd so love to be able to take Meagan on a fun trip. Guess we'll just have to be creative and find local, cheap things to do. Meagan will also be working on her "summer workbook" to keep up on her skills that she improved on this year. So proud of her. She really improved on her math (which was one of her weaker areas). She also worked really hard on a spelling fundraiser they had, 50 words (hard ones), and she got all 50 right. I was really amazed. I do not know how I got so lucky to have such a special, wonderful little girl. I am blessed.

Not much going on with me, work is crazy busy and I need a vacation badly. Other than that not much else, although this is a milestone year in a couple ways. Good and bad. Good is, in August me and Mary celebrate our 10 year wedding anniversary. Wow, 10 years HOLY CRAP! Does not seem possible that it's been 10 years; which also means Meagan turns 10 this year. Double digits, YIKES! Our little girl is growing up. NO, how can I stop that????? Guess I can't. Now the BAD, I turn the big 40 this year. Only a couple weeks away, not happy. For some reason so far I seem to be having a real issue with this. Lots of reasons for that, which I will not bore anyone with, but just let it be known that I consider this a "leap year", as July 6th does not exist this year. Enough said.

Hope all of you out there are doing well, now let's get some warm weather going.

Spring is almost here!

Well, it is almost spring time and I cannot wait. Have some serious "cabin fever" going on here. Now that basketball is done, I feel so cooped up in the house. I must say I am having basketball withdrawal, especially knowing that this is their last year, so who know if I will see any of them after they graduate :-( Kind of sucks. I have seen about half of them though, they are on volleyball now and we have gone to a couple of games. Meagan now wants to play volleyball.

 So, not much else new going on here. I have been keeping busy with work and trying to get back into the gym. Not going was well as I want, but making progress. Besides getting there, hardest thing is knowing what I can do and what I cannot do yet. Some day I feel like I can do certain things and other days, not so much. Have to be careful. I hate feeling this way, new experience for me as far as working out and not really taking to it very well. I'll just have to suck it up and start out very, very slow as far as any weights. Another reason why I want warm weather, then I have other options. Can't wait to get back out there and start rollerblading again.

Mary is doing well, still watching the 2 girls after school and not looking forward to next week. They are no spring break and she will have them all day. Seriously, I do not know how she is going to survive the summer having them all day. She is going to be "nutty" when I get home from work.

Meagan just got done taking her ISAT tests. She was really kind of freaking out about them, but handled it well. She is such a smart kid, but just cannot handle the pressure at all. We are working on improving her writing and math. She still loves reading and excels at that, but I'd like to see her put some of that effort into other areas. Also, some great news. She is doing this dance club at school and they only pick like 1/3 of the kids in it to do a show in front of the school and then the parents and she got picked. She was so excited that day when I came home I thought she was going to burst. I am sooooooo glad she got picked. She would have been so bummed if she didn't. That should be really fun. Need to start thinking about what to do with her during the summer. Hopefully we can find some stuff to sign her up for.

Other things going on in our lives. Let's see, need 2 new tires and all new brake pads and rotors on my car. BYE BYE tax refund. Oh well, at least it was good timing as far as that goes, a couple months back and we would not have had the money. Found out that I am going to be an uncle again, that's right Jill and Michael are having another one. Surprise, this from the ones who said they did not want any, I knew they were so lying, lol! I can't wait. Just saw them this past Saturday for Ally's 2nd birthday. She is so cute. Cannot believe she is 2 already. Time flies.

Now, just waiting for St. Patty's Day to get my corned beef and cabbage. YUMMMY, I cannot wait.


HAPPY ST. PATTY'S DAY TO ALL!


  

I'm Back!!!!

Okay, well sorry it's been so long everyone. I could use plenty of excuses, but really who cares. I've just been lazy. Now that basketball is officially over I actually have some free time. So, I could go on forever about the happenings since my last post, but that would take forever so I'll just cover some of the more recent events.

First, as I said basketball is now over. Had a pretty successful year but most important was that I enjoyed it and really saw my "boys" shine. What a great group of kids and parents I had this year. They really became like an extended family and I am going to miss them. I am already go through some "withdrawal" issues. It's like going from 100 mph to 0. Last night we had our team party which included a parents/son game and a fun awards ceremony that I made up. It was a great time and we had a blast. I am going to miss them all, they are 8th graders this year so that's it. I hope they stay in touch. Half of them are now on volleyball to so today me and the girls took a little trip to go watch them. I have had an amazing experience the past 2 years and hope to continue for a long time, it is now a passion. AD wants me back, just not sure what grade or if it will be boys or girls.

Mary has been keeping busy watching Meagan's BFF and her sister after school and on days off. The extra $$ is nice, but she has also become really close with their mother, so that has been good for her. Her friend Nicole's mother just went through a double mastectomy, so she has been trying to help her through that. The surgery was successful and as of her last doctor visit she is now cancer free. God bless. Other than that, she has just been doing her usual; being a great mom and wonderful wife. I am blessed.

Meagan has lots going on, as most kids do. She is truly a wonderful, sweet, and nice kid and we are lucky. Of course, like all kids she gives us a hard time about things, but to keep it in perspective it is just normal kids being kids stuff. She is caring and good-natured. She has been stressing lately about the ISAT tests coming up in school. She is a smart kid, but just cannot handle the pressure at all. Trying to help her with that has been really tough and stressful. Good thing she has her mother, because my method's are probably a little too harsh at times. Other than that she now wants to play soccer, basketball, and volleyball. We'll see how long she sticks with that.

Other than all that, just looking forward to warmer weather and getting outside to spend time with my 2 girls.

I updated with quite a few pictures so take a look.

Hopefully, I'll keep up with these updates more than I have been.

Pre-Holiday Update

Hi everyone, been a while since I've posted but I have been busy. I know, I know, aren't we all but that's the best excuse I got so here it goes.

So, let's start with the not so littlest member of our small clan, Meagan. She has been doing great, she enjoys school and has been starting to get more active. She joined a "battle of the books" club along with a dance club. So far she is enjoying her book club, dance club has not started yet. I wish she was as enthusiastic about her homework, hates it! This coming Sunday we are having her 9th birthday party; yes that's right 9 years old. YIKES, where does the time go? One more year and she goes to double-digits. I want to keep my sweet little girl little. Honestly though I could not have asked for a better daughter, she is really good and sweet, sometimes a little too nice but I guess that's not such a bad thing. I hope she stays that way, at least somewhat I know she'll be a teenager and they all are not easy, but just hoping she sticks to herself. Anyways, really looking forward to her party and letting her have her special day.

Mary is doing good, she is watching Meagan's friend and her little sister after school and on off days so that is keeping her busy. The extra money really helps as well. Other than that she is just getting things ready for Meagan's party. She is so great, with my basketball now I am hardly around and she is so understanding and does not give me a hard time about it. She really tries to take care of so much so I have less to worry about. She is good to me, God bless her for putting up with me.

As for me well, busy as all heck. Work is just crazy busy and kind of sucks. I know, I should be great full to have a job, but we are all so overworked that everyone is stressed. What used to be fun environment, not so much. Maybe time to start looking for another job. Basketball started late October so I have been very busy with that. So far it has been a rough one, but we are improving so that is good. The kids seem to be less focused this year, so I think I may have to get a little tough with them. Given all that I am still enjoying it, I have a passion for this and really love it. Too bad it does not pay, lol! Besides that I am just getting ready for my surgery, I actually cannot wait as I am in pain every day so looking forward to getting past that. I do have to admit that I am getting a little nervous, but I keep reminding myself that it's a simple surgery so I'll be fine. Also, feeling every bit my age lately with this surgery plus finding out that I have to have another surgery in probably February; don't worry nothing remotely serious. I just have 2 cysts (one on the back of my neck and one on the back of my head) that they have finally determined should be removed. So after I'm recovered from this surgery I get to have that done. UGH, put all that along with me turning 40 next year and I'm not really feeling all that great. Getting old, sucks!!!

Besides the above, we are just going along day to day letting the big guy upstairs do his job and take care of us. Wish he'd flow a little more money our way, but I have a great wife and great daughter, so what else could I ask for? Enough said.

Love to all, prayers for you all, and for those who are close by hope to see you soon!!

Just a quick update, not a whole lot since my last post. As far as myself, well I decided to "bit the bullet" regarding my partially torn bicep tendon and have the surgery, scheduled it for November 22nd. Really wanted to avoid it, but it came down to either living with the pain the rest of my life or having surgery. Not too hard of a choice when it was put that way. So now the hard part is waiting, I would have done it sooner but already scheduled my vacation then so figured I've waited this long what's another couple of months. Until then, I'll just keep taking the meds and "grin and bear it". Other than that, just waiting for basketball to start. We have our coaches meeting this Sunday so practices should start soon, I can't wait.

Mary is doing well, she actually started a job this week. She is watching 2 girls, one of them is Meagan's friend from school, after school every day and also most days off. Will be nice to finally have some extra money coming in. Lately she has been great in dealing with all the cable/internet problems we have been having. Very frustrating and she deals with it well. In the past 2 weeks we have had AT&T out here 6 times. If it was not for limited choices and some features of theirs that we really like, I would have canceled it by now. We'll see, it seems to be fixed now, but if problems continue they are going to lose business. Good news is Mary got them to give us various compensation for all the trouble. Let's just say she did good. Way to go honey!!!

Meagan is doing good, although not today she is sick, stayed home from school. She is getting back to the swing of things with school and doing well. She came home the other day with a form to join a book club thing from school and was really excited about it. I guess you actually have to be approved by your teacher in order to join, which she was. She absolutely loves to read, which is great. Wish she was into sports, but hey that's OK she is who she is, and I would not change that at all.

This past weekend we took out all of the Halloween stuff, a little early but we are ready for it I guess. Looking forward to this weekend, we are going to try to go to the Long Grove Apple Festival and then on Saturday we get to babysit our niece, YEAH!!!

That's it for now, nothing too exciting, but that's not necessarily bad.